I just picked up the book Soulprint by Mark Batterson and am
still reading the intro. He’s talking about finding out your destiny, who you
were created to be and so on. Good stuff
so far. My brain started drifting for a
second and I started thinking about who and what I want to be. I pulled out my journal and started listing….
I want to be sharp.
Apostle Tetsola was a guest speaker at a conference at our
church this past weekend and he spoke about being a sharp axe head, about not
losing your Edge. How easy it is to
become dull overtime and not realize it til we’ve gone so far down the path of
complacency or mediocrity that we don’t even realize we’ve strayed. It doesn’t mean there was a sin, but a lack
of edge, passiveness, lack of sharpness in the Spirit, a fire that has been
left unattended and has simmered down with time and lack of attention. I knew this was where I was even though I
hated admitting it. There was no major back sliding, just a passion that I had
allowed to sit on the backburner. An
axe head will become dull from lack of use.
Ouch.
But my heart’s cry is to always keep my edge, what good is a
dull axe head? Spiritually what good am I to anyone if my heart and spirit is
dull? I want to be sharp. To be ready to battle for my marriage, battle for my
children, battle for my friends and family, battle for myself, battle for
whatever the Lord brings me to. I want to be ready in the spirit, prepared, on
guard. I want to be sharp to be able to
accomplish the will of the Lord in my life.
I want to be pure.
I want my whole being to be so full of the Lord that there
is no room for anything else. I want
that pure, childlike faith and love. I
want a clean mind and thoughts. I want
dove eyes for the Lord. I want to be untainted by things of this world. We
should live in this world but not be of it.
I want to be free from pollutants, free from the things that would cause
me to lose my edge. I want to be unmixed with the ways of the world. This may
mean not watching movies others find acceptable, not listening to music that is
popular and not going places that I used to frequent. Pastor Lonny would always say, Let nothing
come before my eyes, in my ears, or out of my mouth that does not line up with
the Word of God. How sweet is that? I want
my words to come from a pure heart. I want my love to come from pure
motives. I want my actions to come from
a pure mind. A pure heart begets a pure life. And not just look pretty on the outside, but
pure and washed from the inside out. Man looks at the outward appearance but
God looks at the heart. I want to stand before Him white as snow, not in my own
efforts but by His love and grace.
“Create in me a pure heart” Psalm 51:10—God must create the pure heart
in me, I can’t do it on my own, but this is my heart’s cry.
I want to be immovable in my faith. Unshakable in my
morals. I want to stand in the face of
opposition and not flinch. I want my
face to be set like flint in times when I have to make a decision regarding my
standards whether they are popular or not.
I want to be unwavering in the way I raise my children. Unwavering in
the covenant I have made with my spouse.
Resolute in my convictions and what I allow in my home. “And renew a steadfast spirit within me”
Psalm 51:10. Restore that unwavering
spirit in me, bring it back to the fullness it once was. Over time we can get worn down from the
constant waves of life banging against our shores and slowly lose that
consistent spirit. But renew it in me Lord, let me not become compromising of
the things that matter.
I want to be
undivided.
I want to be wholly devoted to the Lord. I want to be fully
focused on my call, my walk, the Lord. I
want Him to have my full attention. A
heart that beats for one purpose, serves one Master. “Give me an undivided
heart, that I may fear Your name” Psalm 86:11.
I don’t want to be pulled in multiple directions, away by things of this
world, giving none of them my full devotion. It is easy at times to fall into
this, life is busy, the list doesn’t end of must-do’s and somewhere along the
way we have spread ourselves too thin and God no longer has our full
heart. I believe this requires staying
sharp in the Spirit, remaining pure, and keeping ourselves steadfast in the
Lord. Only with an undivided heart can
you truly fear, reverence, the Lord. Can
you truly stand in awe of Who He is. He wants our full hearts, whole devotion,
our whole lives.
We should also be undivided in every area of our lives I
believe. Our children will want our undivided heart and attention. Our spouses
deserve the deepest, truest parts of who we are, not just what is left over.
Our passions and giftings deserve whole hearted pursuit. In anything I do want
to be fully there, fully engaged, all in.
I want to be
purposeful.
I believe this has very much to do with having vision or
goals for yourself or life. The bible
says the people perish for lack of vision.
So basically, without a purpose your life slips away, none for the
better. Without a plan life will just
pass you by, time will pass and you’ll wonder where it went. I want to live my life On purpose, For a
purpose. I want to be strategic about
how I spend my time, be purposeful in my actions and words, be intentional in
my relationships. I want to be
deliberate in my pursuits and passions.
If that is writing, then I will be deliberate to pursue it and pour into
it. When it comes to running, I want to
be purposeful and make the time for it because it benefits not only my health
but me as a person. I want what I pour
into my marriage to have meaning, not just go through the motions. I want to be strategic about what I speak to
my children, about the example I am in how I live my life. I want my time with the Lord to have purpose,
to glorify Him through my life. I
believe this requires a conscious effort because it is so easy to get in a
routine and go through the motions but I don’t want to wake up 30 years from
now and wonder what happened to my life.
For those who know me you know this is not always a strength
for me, it humbles and embarrasses me to say.
It’s not because I don’t care, but I have always been more of a logical
thinker, I process with my head before my heart. I’m more black and white. These are great strengths at times but Jesus
had Compassion that Moved Him. The
Pharisees knew the law but lacked compassion—I do Not want to be a Pharisee.
Jesus saw past the black and white, the right and wrong and saw to the heart of
the matter, the heart of the person. And I want that. I want His heart, His eyes. One definition of compassion is ‘a feeling of
deep sympathy for another….accompanied by the strong desire to alleviate their
suffering’. It’s not enough to just feel
sorry for someone, but there is a call to action as well. Many times in the New Testament it speaks of
Jesus seeing the people, having compassion for them and then…healing their sickness,
feeding the multitudes, or teaching them.
His compassion Compelled Him to meet their need, meet them where they
were despite the circumstances. I want
my compassion to overrule my brain, I don’t want to see a problem to be solved,
but a life to be loved, encouraged. I
want to see people through God’s eyes.
I want to be fierce.
I love that word. Makes me think of a fearless warrior. It doesn’t make me think of myself. It seems in the bible the word fierce
typically seems to precede the word anger in reference to the Lord and His
wrath against sin, idolatry, and wickedness. I wasn’t thinking with so much of
a negative connotation when this word came to mind but this definition also
works because my main desire was to be spiritually fierce. And God’s wrath and anger are correct in
connection with sin. I also see it as a
positive description—I want someone fierce on my team, in my corner. I want someone who will show no mercy when it
really counts. And I want that to be me when it comes to spiritual battles. When it comes to protecting my family. I want to be fierce in my training, not
holding back, take no prisoners attitude—it’s you or me and I’m not
quitting. I want to be intense in a way
that’s brought about by pure passion.
I think of David
facing Goliath. He was fierce—he would
not stand for this Philistine to continue to defy His God. It says he Ran
Towards Goliath—he didn’t run away from his challenge, his mountain, his fear
but ran Towards it with a boldness that came from his passion to defend God’s
name. I want to run At my mountains not
from them. I want to boldly come against the enemy’s attacks on my family. I
want to fiercely fight for my daughter’s generational line. I want to fiercely make God’s name
known. I want to unrelentingly
accomplish a full marathon. No matter
what your mountain, attack it fiercely, take no prisoners.
I want to be
fearless.
For most my life fear has played a big role, mainly in the
form of fear of failure. I’m still a
work in progress but I have made some conscious moves to purposefully overcome
this fear. My husband is an all-in kind
of guy—he gives it his all sometimes not knowing if he will succeed or fail,
and that’s ok, he won’t know until he gives it a shot. I typically needed to know that I have a good
chance of success before I’d even give it a shot, because why bother trying if
I’m not going to be good at it, or great, right? WRONG. This has been my mentality for years that I’m
working to overcome. I missed out on a
lot over the years because I never even gave myself the chance to see if I was
any good at….fill in the blank. I was
afraid to fail, afraid to look bad (pride), afraid of not being good enough.
But in the last few years with the continued encouragement and example of my
husband and the Lord’s truth speaking to that area I’ve been able to push past
this fear in many ways. How freeing!
I’ve learned to snowboard and mountain bike, ran my first half marathon,
started writing and actually putting it out there for others to read. As it turns out, I really enjoy snowboarding
and mountain biking and I found two of my deep passions in running and
writing. Most these things I most likely
would have never tried before because of those dreaded two words: What If? What If I sucked at snowboarding? What If I
couldn’t hang with the pack while biking? What If I couldn’t finish the Mini?
What If someone bashed my writing?? And
as my husband would say, So what?? The world doesn’t end, you just pick
yourself up and move on, try again or chalk it up to a learning experience.
Fear is a lack of faith. Lack of faith in myself to try something new.
Lack of faith in the Lord to be greater than your circumstance, illness, or
situation. I like the way Pastor Tucci
put it, ‘Faith moves ahead expecting victory, fear pulls back expecting
defeat’. Look at that perspective, the stance
you have to take in either situation: you’re either Expecting victory or
Expecting defeat. You’re either moving
Ahead or pulling Back. Either running
Towards or running Away. I’m personally
sick of allowing fear to rule my life, of silencing my dreams, of causing me
not to live fiercely, purposefully, and I plan to continue to push past that
fear and pursue the adventure that is awaiting me.
I want to persevere.
I think this relates closely to wanting to be fearless. One definition is: ‘to persist in or remain
constant to a purpose, idea or task in the face of obstacles or
discouragement’. To be fearless is the
first step, you have to start, attempt, try, but to persevere is to continue or
remain constant in the face of those trials.
It’s not just good enough to attempt something, but I want to endure,
persist stubbornly, and see it to the end.
I didn’t just want to Attempt to run a half marathon, I wanted to
Finish. I started by facing the fear of
What If’s and looked forward expecting victory.
Then I was able to remain constant in the hard times, when the training
got more intense, when I was tired or sore.
I stayed focused on the goal at hand.
In the face of every day trials I want to persevere. In the
face of sickness, loss or heartache. In the face of unforeseen obstacles. It’s
not just about persisting at something, but doing so in the Midst of trials and
letdowns. Which means there is some sort
of resistance you are coming against. “Let us throw off everything that hinders and
the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race
marked out for us,” Hebrews 12:1. We are to run this ‘race’ with endurance,
with the mindset of finishing boldly. I
don’t just want to attempt, I want to achieve, overcome, accomplish. As Yoda said, Do or do not. There is no
try. Not bad for a fictional
character.
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