A few months ago I watched my husband, sister and a huge
group of friends complete their first (for most) Indy Half Marathon. It was bittersweet for me because I was
excited for all the newbies getting to experience this amazing race for the
first time but envious that I was not also out there, toeing the line amidst
30,000+ other runners. My heart longed
to be out there, next to my husband as he ran the mini for the very first time,
to be his support, lend him my ‘expert’ advice, and run this journey with
him. But being that I was 8 months
pregnant and was unable to run as I had planned during my pregnancy, this was
to be a race he’d have to run alone, and I would have to watch.
Everyone had started training in January. It was cold and wet although it got
unseasonably warm in March, it didn’t stick around and it went back into the
cooler weather basically up until the week before the Mini. Since there were lots of new runners I got to
hear all their stories about how far they went, their time, how much it sucked
or that they puked in someone’s front yard.
This was exciting for me—It was so awesome to see people find they could
go further than the boundaries in their head, see them really push themselves
and step out and do something they never thought they could.
Breaking those limits they
or someone else had put on them at some point in their life. Breaking the “I could never’s”.
I listened to stories about blisters and new shoes and
target heart rates and fueling and when to Gu, crappy runs and PR runs, I was
in heaven at least a little. But my heart longed to join them. Longed to run,
let my legs go and just cruise. I wanted to be a part of the excitement and
buzz. Vicariously living the race excitement through my husband
was still not the same as doing it myself. What a reflection of our own relationship with
the Lord-- that intimacy with the Him only comes when we ourselves enter in,
bow our hearts and welcome Him in to that well in our heart that is only meant
for Him. We can never expect to enter in
to that intimacy and go deeper without actually entering in ourselves. No one
can do it for you.
I actually I learned a lot from being on the spectator side
of the race this time. I realized how
much of a passion and lifestyle running has become for me. I was reminded that no matter how much I want
it for someone, they have to want it as much for themselves. No matter how much
advice I have to offer, experience or knowledgeable resources I have, everyone
has to run their own race, their own way. I also realized that no matter how fun it was to be the spectator, there
is nothing like running that race yourself. The time that was put in,
the discipline, the finding the You you never knew was in there, none of that
can be found sitting on the sidelines. Just the same we must each find our
own secret garden, prayer closet, holy hole that is between you and the Lord.
Your parents’ relationship with the Lord will not sustain you. Your friends that are on fire for the Lord can
never take you to the holy of holies. I
have to want it, I have to discipline myself, no matter how much my mom may
want it for me, only I can get to that place with the Lord.
So I found a spot right by the finish line and waited for my
husband to cross so he could see me and I could meet him right away. While I
was there I got to see the hundreds of other family members and friends there
cheering on their loved ones. Saw hundreds and hundreds of people coming in to
the finish, some walking, some kicking it in the final dash home, and a few
actually collapsing feet from the finish line, all with a look of determination
& achievement, and sheer exhaustion.
You could see the toll it took, the sacrifice. All to cross that finish line and say “I did
it”. Some may find that silly or
pointless but in the midst of the legs screaming and blisters and pain you dig
deep and find one of two things: I did
Not prepare for this! Or Here we go! And pull from your training and kick
it. And just like our lives, we have
those times we must dig deep, but what do you find? Have you gone deep, dug and filled that well
with the Lord so that in those trials you have something to pull from? Have you put in the time, disciplined yourself,
found that secret garden where you meet the Lord and are refreshed, prepared
for the final stretch? Or have you sat
back enjoying other’s stories of divine meetings with the Lord? Not made the time to meet with Him
yourself? Living on your parents’
relationship with the Father?
Are you finding that last oomph for your final kick at the
end or are you that guy I passed on the ground feet from the finish line?
