The Girls

There are these girls I know, they’re beautiful.

Funny. Smart and witty.  Go-getters.  Discerning and wise beyond their years. 

They just don’t know it yet.

They have beautiful hearts capable of extravagant love.

But they’ve been hurt. Wounded. Disappointed.

And who they are makes them stunningly beautiful.

But they can’t always see it.

They’ve been lied to. Put down. Rejected. Caused to doubt the beauty they have to offer.

So they build a wall around their hearts and it goes higher and higher like Rapunzel’s tower, until they’re trapped in their own tower of self-protection.

Too scared to offer their hearts.  Be vulnerable.  Offer their strength and beauty to the world.

So they become docile. Or destructive.  Timid or a tyrant.  Passive or pushy.

All in the name of self-protection.

Haven’t we all done that at some point? We are trying to protect ourselves but all we do is close off our hearts and keep everyone at arm’s length.  Either with a nice “Back Off” written on our foreheads or a fake smile and superficial conversation.

And our heart becomes harder and harder as we lose the joy of true relationships on our island of one.

But we still want it. Crave it. Yearn for our hearts to be re-awakened.  To stop walking through the motions like zombies and connect.  To feel again.  To be real, to be loved.

And it takes great courage to get there.  Vulnerability. Strength.

It’s scary. What sacrifice will it require?  How will it look to walk out? What will it look like on the other side? Outside of my tower?

And there, the fear of the unknown and the desire for true life collide.  Do we sink back into our tower, or throw open the gates and run?

You want freedom? Really want it? You have to stand on the edge of the fear of the unknown—and jump.  Or step. Or swan dive. Or cannonball into the unknown.

And in that moment it is no longer unknown, and now there is nothing there to fear.

Ladies, who you are called to be is on the other side of the fear of who you think you are not.

Your destiny.  Your strength.  Your life—it is found in that moment when we choose to no longer stay ‘safe’ and powerless in our towers and jump into the unknown and conquer fear.

Fear of hurt. Fear of failure. Fear of disappointment. Fear of not being loved.

When we take that leap, not knowing what’s on the other side, is when we put our faith and trust in God as our Father, knowing He will catch us. 

Love us. Heal us. Restore us.  And then empower us to set the other captives free.

Don’t be fooled, they’re all around. Women living in their pretty little towers of self-protection and fear.

And they need others to come and love them, speak life and encourage them as they take their own swan dive of freedom.

About a month ago I told my husband, “These girls… They’re amazing; they just don’t know it yet.”

But you know what? They’re getting it. 

I see a light in their eyes. 

A spark of adventure and hope. 

A fire in their hearts for more. 

A God vision of who they are and what they’re meant for. 

Their beauty awakened. 

Their hearts alive, their joy renewed.

Watch out world, they’re already dangerous….. And they’re starting to see it.

Princess Under Attack

I hear the not so subtle screams of society telling our littles they’re just not good enough.  Not perfect.  I hear it in every magazine, commercial and shop window.  The blatant attack of clothes that hiss, “Eat Less”. 

But what is perfect?

Is it a pant size? Weight? Cup size?

It is, in itself, unattainable. 

Yet our society floods our sisters with images telling them that is exactly what they need to achieve to be accepted.  Loved. Wanted.  Beautiful.  Good enough.

And the more we strive to fit a mold not made for us, the emptier we feel.

And that hole cannot be filled with diets or drugs or sex or makeup or food or alcohol.  Those things only leave us feeling deadened, dirtier, and filled with shame.

It is like Alice chasing the rabbit down the black hole, and we fall further and further away from ourselves.

It is a hole only God can fill.  An ache and yearning only He can soothe. 

Daughters! Sisters! Darlings!

You are not a size.  You are a soul.

You are not a number.  You are a name.

 Ladies, your worth is not determined by the number on the scale, the size of your pants or the curve of your hips.  It can’t be measured or weighed; it goes far beyond anything tangible.

You are beautiful because of WHO you are and WHOSE you are, not WHAT (size, number, weight) you are.

You are beautiful because of what only you can offer: Yourself.

 Your heart.  Your dreams.  Your beauty. Your uniqueness.

And instead of fighting with all we have to guard the very things God has given us that make us so extraordinary, we loathe our temples and destroy them in an attempt to attain empty promises that only keep us from reaching our destiny. The lies keep us focused on what we think we are not—

Perfect enough

Pretty enough

Small enough

Tall enough

Smart enough……

And we completely miss seeing who we truly are—

Strong.  Unique.  Lovely.  Wise.  Smart.  Beautiful. Powerful.

But we will only see ourselves correctly when we see Him correctly, because only He Who created you can tell you who you are.  We will always feel empty and lost and inadequate as long as we continue to look to the world or others for validation.

The screams of lies can be deafening the longer we choose to listen, but isn’t it time we start screaming back? Fighting back?  Standing up for our littles?

We are not mindless drones.

We are not called to be timid, people-pleasing, pushovers.  We are called to ROAR!

To lead. To create. To inspire. To bring life.

And the world desperately needs your voice.  Our littles need strong, fierce, loving, passionate and free women to lead them.  Not ‘perfect’ women, exhausted from striving with nothing left to offer because they sold it all for empty promises. 

Be a fly on any wall at the salon, restaurant or girls night and what does the conversation inevitably seem to turn to at some point?

Weight. Diet. Exercise. Food.

Someone’s trying the newest fad diet.  Someone else is so unhappy with ‘this’, while pinching at their sides.  Someone else can’t eat this, this or ALL that.

Where are the life-giving, empowering, encouraging, self-loving ladies?

When did our world become no bigger than the size of our pants?

We are women! We are world changers! We are life givers!

Are we instilling self-confidence, identity and self-love in our littles by our words? Or is self-deprecating comments all they hear us speak about ourselves and others?

They need someone to show them the way and speak the truth of who they are in contrast to the garbage they are plagued with. 
They need someone to turn off the blaring radio of empty promises and whisper the truths of who God created them to be.

They need you, me, us!

They need us to take off the masks of insecurity and striving and show them how to be real, raw, and vulnerable.  And show them that in those moments, that’s where they’re truly strong.

They need what only you can bring--Your life. Your strength. Your vision. Your unique perspective of Christ.  It is a role only you can fill.

But we’ll never change the world and set women free buying into the lies the world feeds us.  It keeps us weak.  Chained.  Scared.  Powerless.

We must fight back.  Take a stand.  Be bold. Buck the norm.  And set a new standard. 

The fight is on for the lives of our princesses.

 

 

The Cost of the Thigh Gap

I’m standing in front of the floor to ceiling mirror that lines the walls of the hot yoga class as I’m waiting to begin.

Giving myself the once over, as we all try to do discreetly, and it sounds something like this….

“Holy frizzy curls, dang humidity gets me every time.

Man do my arms look good tan! 

Feeling a little bloated today but this shirt covers it well, good choice.

My thighs are looking strong and firm! Yep, definitely love these leggings, I wonder if they have them in a different color….

(check side mirror)

Dang my butt is getting big and looking goooooood! All those torturous hills are really paying off!  Getting a firm tooshy, nice.” (high five to self)

My eyes settle back on my thighs.  They are definitely strong, I run 4-5 times a week. But having been a gymnast my whole life, my legs have always been pretty solid.

Then I noticed that *gasp!*, there’s hardly a thigh gap!  (please note the sarcasm)

My thighs, and body overall, have gotten stronger and more muscular this past year as I have increased my mileage and racing.  I’ve noticed in how my clothes fit and yes, it did bug me at first.

But did I want thinner thighs or a stronger body?

The old me would have panicked. The free me loves that my body is healthy and strong enough to do what I love.

I used to have the ‘coveted’ thigh gap, though back then I don’t know that it had a name.  Well, it did, it was called an eating disorder.

It was called living off of 500 calories a day. (if you want to call that living)

It was called compulsive exercise.

It was called hair falling out, feeling like you live in an ice box, can’t think straight.

It was called being tormented day and night with thoughts of food and counting calories.

It was called losing friends and not being able to keep jobs.

It was called striving to reach an unrealistic and deadly standard that society called ‘beauty’.

It was called insomnia and migraines and fatigue.

It was called hell on earth.

And it was my life for too many years.

Listen ladies, it COSTS you something to strive to attain a standard that was never meant for you. 

It costs years of living in bondage. 

It costs your health.

Costs your joy. 

It costs your self-respect.

Striving to attain anything that God did not intend for you will always cost you something that you were not meant to pay.

You may attain the thigh gap, ‘perfect body’, boyfriend—but it will never fill you.  It’s an empty hole you continue to tumble down and lose yourself along the way because no IT or THING can ever fill you.

And guess what? Next month the standard will change.  A new fad. New diet. New part of your body that is no longer good enough.

Here’s a question: WHO in the blazes decided being able to see between your thighs is the standard? I have no idea yet you let the ‘all knowing’ dictate what you should be and look like.

Nuh uh. I don’t think so. No thank you.

I could go back and be a 25lb underweight walking hanger for my clothes, utterly miserable—but with a thigh gap! OR I can be healthy and happy and living life to the fullest, with or without the thigh gap.  Because come on ladies, what does that thigh gap actually DO for you???

Will it make you a better runner?

A better wife or mother?

Will it make your husband love you more?

Make you the prettiest?

Or make your friends like you more?

Dear God I hope not!

You are so much more than the size of your thighs or the number on the scale.

 

There is a price to the thigh gap, or really, what it represents. And its not worth it.

So come on ladies, it’s time to fight back. Time to find your voice again and say enough! 

You are fierce and passionate and powerful and beautiful and have so much more to offer this world and your families than a plastic perfection that leaves you empty and exhausted.

Pick up your swords, it’s time to battle.

 

 

 

 

Dear 13-Year-Old Self

Dear 13-year-old self,

Your world has recently gotten bigger.

New school.

New friends.

New expectations.

New pressures.

New temptations.

New questions.

 

You find a new sense of insecurity you’d never known before.

Unsure of your changing body.

What clothes are ‘cool’?

Where do I fit?

DO I fit?

 

Everyone around you seems so confident, sure of themselves.  I guarantee you, they are not. They’re all trying to find themselves as well and you’ll never find yourself looking around you.

You will only feel more unsure of yourself. 

Insecure. 

Not good enough.

Too short.

Too plain.

Empty.

Don’t believe the lies that you must fit in the box to be accepted. Loved. Pretty. Cool. Wanted.

The box is not meant for you and will only tear you apart as you try to conform and contort to fit inside, something you were never created to do. 

 

Take off your mask.  Take off the layers of costumes you wear to fit in to any group or occasion.  Take off your strong persona and Be You.

Be Real. Be Vulnerable. Be Open.

Be Happy. Be 13. Be OK with where you are, right now.

You’re a work in progress, and there’s such beauty in that.

 

Don’t follow the crowd.  Stand for your beliefs, your convictions.  Stand for who you are, I promise you won’t be standing alone.

There are others who want someone to stand with, who don’t want to follow the crowd, don’t want to compromise.  Who believe in truth and purity and innocence.  Who are fighting the same fight amidst the garbage and screams of society to find their way.

Don’t settle.

 

Stop looking to society to tell you if you’ve met the standard, I can tell you you never will. 

It’s not real. Not attainable.

Stop chasing the white rabbit down a hole you will spend years trying to claw your way out of.

 

Your body is not your enemy; it is an amazingly beautiful instrument.  You will do amazing things with it.  It will bring forth life.  It will show you your amazing strength.

Accept it.

Nourish it.

Love it.

Protect it.

 

Before you take that next step—stop.  Look next to you. There is Jesus. He’s there. He never left. Take His hand, turn around and walk into all He has for you.  You don’t have to walk this road of doubt, self-destruction, and self-loathing.

You are worthy. Worthy of real friendship. Worth the time. Worth the wait. Worthy of this life.

You are beautiful. True beauty that radiates from your heart, not your weight.

You are enough.  Good enough. More than enough.

 

With love,

Your healthy, happy, whole self

*****************************************************************************

Writing this was surprisingly hard.  Because I know the road this young self takes and the pain and heartache that followed.

But I also know what she will overcome because of Christ.

I know the victories. The healing.  The life that will one day flourish.

And though I can’t save her from that hard road now, I’m encouraged because I will one day share these nuggets with my own daughter, and with God’s grace she may not walk this road.  One day this testimony may help another young girl.  Maybe it will help you.

One Run

One run.  Seems simple enough.  Boring even to some.  I mean really, what’s the benefit that makes it so necessary?  Can one run change your life? Probably not.  Can it change your perspective? Most definitely.

Aside from the obvious physical perks of better health and all that goodness, some days that one run teaches me more about myself then I could have ever imagined….

Some things good, encouraging even; some things ugly, scary perhaps.

The lawyer in my head giving his best case as to why I should give up because the anvils I formerly called my legs are screaming for mercy.

The whining that can go on makes me want to run faster, away from myself!  I mean, I can’t stand when my daughter whines but when it’s the voice in my head I can’t escape, that will about make you mad.

Some runs feel like a nonstop battle of good vs. evil, which in and of itself can be utterly exhausting.

Those hard runs can stir those feelings of doubt, as a runner of course, but also as a wife, mother, friend?

 

But then there are those runs I didn’t want to do to begin with:

I was tired.

Not feeling good.

Not in the mood.

Oh so comfy snuggled in my bed.

 

And I went anyway. I won the battle with the nonsense excuses and told my body to get in line.

I ran even when it was hard.  I didn’t stop. 

I pushed boundaries. Pushed miles. Pushed pace.

I ran and ran and ran some more.

I finished the race.  Overcame the obstacles.

I superseded my own expectations (or even own limitations) to surprise myself. 

I PR’d.  I pushed myself to the limits and refused to concede.

 

Sometimes I finish those runs, the ones I didn’t want to get out of my warm heaven for, and feel as cruddy and exhausted as when I started.  It was hard.  My body was tired. There will always be those days.

But I learn from that one run.  Learn where there is still weakness.  Physically and mentally.  Where there is doubt in myself.  Fear, even. The question of ‘good enough’ will again rear its ugly head.

I also learn my strength.  Courage in the face of fear and doubt.  That my body is beautiful in so many ways.  That I am an overcomer.  That I am only required to give my best, in every situation, not perfection.  Give the best of myself to my husband, daughter, friends.

 And I learn that my feelings don’t rule my future. 

My doubts don’t dictate my destiny.

 My fear doesn’t determine my fate.

 Yes, I can learn all that from one run…..