Mountain O'Marriage

Last week Mr. M and I had our 4^th wedding anniversary, and to celebrate we climbed our first 14er!  Talk about an adventure….

It was trying, difficult, exhilarating, intense, fun and overall an awesome accomplishment.  And being that this was for our anniversary, the parallels between climbing a mountain and marriage were not lost on me.

We started off on the trail bright and early. We were excited and probably overconfident in our capabilities while naïve to the obstacles that laid ahead.  See the correlations already??

It was early morning and everything just looked stunning as the sunlight was beginning to break through the trees and casting shadows on the surrounding mountains. 

As we made it over the tree line the trail went from a slow grade of dirt and grass to more rocks and boulders.  Definitely wasn’t prepared for that.

 

Every so often we’d stop, catch our breath, take in the view and take some more pictures.  I loved to turn around and look back at where we had just been. 

And every time I was amazed at the progress we had made. 

How different it looked from this view. 

And was proud of how far we had come.  Together. 

The further we got on our climb the harder it became.  There was no more dirt or grass trail to follow, it was all rock. 

 

Big rocks.

Slate rocks.

Moving, shifting, unstable rocks. 

And the trail got narrower as we were now following right along the spine.  To stay on the best line you couldn’t easily be two people wide.  But we kept moving along, taking turns leading and setting a comfortable pace.  Whoever was in front throwing back a warning of loose rocks or slippery areas ahead.

 

As we climbed we started to come across more people.  Some were already heading back—which I secretly envied as my lungs were burning and legs were aching.  Others were still heading to the summit and we seemed to settle into a small group of people around the same pace.

It was nice to see friendly faces along the way; we’d encourage each other or make a joke about whose horrible idea this was.  It always lightened the mood when we were struggling to keep going. 

For some this was their first 14er.  Others had done many before.

And then there was a dad with his 3 daughters.  Just cruising along.  He had his 4 year old in a hiking back pack with his 6 and 7 year old tagging along.  This was their 5^th 14er.  *jaw drops* 

Mr. M and I were just floored. I mean come on! We were struggling to keep moving and these kids reminded me of Legolas from Lord of the Rings—light and nimble on their feet and moving along with what seemed to take no effort at all.  Wow.

As we got into the last leg, the steep ascent to the summit, it became a real challenge.  Gaining elevation that quickly was really making the effects of the altitude apparent.  We had to stop more often to catch our breath.  Mr. M had gone through his water already and we were sharing mine.  He started to feel sick and I was getting a little dizzy.  We stopped to rest and he was not feeling well.  I wasn’t sure he could keep going, neither did he.  But we were SO CLOSE. 

I would be very disappointed to get this far and not reach the top but this was our journey, our adventure and if we couldn’t stand at the summit together I didn’t want to go.

But he took a short breather, dug deep and pushed himself to keep going.

The last stretch was narrow and there really was no trail, you just had to find the best line and hope for some sturdy rocks.

We kept pressing forward, knowing victory was within reach.

And then, there we were! Standing on the summit!! It was glorious and euphoric and oh so breathtaking. We saw some friends at the top and congratulated each other, took more pictures and a short rest. 

 

We took it in, a panoramic view of mountains in every direction.  Surreal. What a beautiful moment, what a victory to achieve together…

And then? The descent!  The only way down was the way we came up!  It was faster but still very tricky.

The whole way down I would stop to look back again, and was in complete awe and shock that we just did WHAT??  Knowing now what it took to get to the top, to see it in retrospect made me realize what an accomplishment it was.  Oh and we ran into 2 mountain goats on our way back, very cool. Although one was about 10 ft from me and I think it wanted to hurt me....

We had no idea what we were getting into and to a degree I appreciated my naivety at the time.  That trip back down looked very different…. I felt wiser, more experienced and so I viewed everything now through different eyes.

I spent the journey back down reflecting on everything I had just learned and could see in so many ways how marriage is very much like climbing a mountain. Here’s what I learned….

*Take a look back.  It is so easy to get caught up in the trials of where you are, the disagreement, the monotony and become discouraged. 

But every once in a while you need to stop and just take a look back.

See how far you’ve actually come.  That you’re making progress.

See that you’re moving forward even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Relish in the moment that you are taking and have taken ground even if you feel stuck.

*Things get hard.

There are unexpected situations that throw you a curve ball, the ground is not always flat and it’s not always smooth sailing.  Sometimes it feels like the ground is shifting beneath you. 

In these times you especially need to dig deep. 

Fight to find your footing, fight for your relationship.

Hold on to what you do know.

You love each other. That never changes. Yes even when you don’t like each other very much.

*You don’t know it all.  Period. 

Surround yourself with couples of wisdom, which means experience.  I KNOW I don’t have the answers, these are just my own revelations I’m sharing.

We need a support group. Others to cheer us on as we run this race. 

To hear from those who have gone before and can show us the best path.

 I definitely want to talk to others who have climbed mountains before I climb another one, why would I not do the same in my marriage?

*Don’t compare.  Don’t compare. Don’t compare.
It drove me crazy that those little girls were hiking with such ease! But this was their 5^th climb so how can I compare that to my 1^st?

All you can do is compare where you ARE to where you WERE.  Comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle will only make you frustrated and give you false hope.  Both are destructive in a marriage.

Celebrate your victories in your own marriage, not compared to someone else’s.

*You’re in this together.

It’s marriage. It’s forever.  What benefits you, benefits your spouse.  What hurts you hurts your spouse. 

No one has more to gain or lose in your marriage than you, and your spouse.  Stick together. 

Sometimes you lead and allow the other to rest. Sometimes you follow and your spouse takes the headwind.  You're in this together and two are always better than one.

*Find an adventure together!

Mr. M and I are really in our sweet spot when we are working towards a common goal.  I feel like we can accomplish anything when we are working together. 

Whether it’s paying off debt, climbing a mountain or pitching a tent, we really shine when we are conquering something as a team.

Find something that brings you both alive and go at it. 

Live your life together.  Dream together. 

Set goals and then knock them down.

Be silly. 

Have fun together, you never know what mountain goats, I mean, surprises are just around the corner!

Oh, The Places You'll Go....

This past week has been an adventurous one.  And I’ve learned and re-learned a few lessons along the way….

On Monday I ran my 3^rd half marathon in 4 months and beat my PR by just under 5 minutes. On Wednesday I celebrated my 4^th wedding anniversary.  And on Saturday Mr. M and I climbed our first 14er to celebrate. 

Whether you’re running a race, working on your marriage or climbing a mountain I feel there’s one common key:

Keep. Moving. Forward.

In a recent blog The Perfect Storm I talked about my last half just falling apart, some due to uncontrollable circumstances but also because of things that I let slip through the cracks. So when I signed up for the next half I was determined to do everything in my power to make sure I was prepared for this race.

I put in the time.

I put in the miles.

I watched my nutrition.

And I was feeling GOOD.  I felt confident going in that I could really come back and possibly? hopefully? break my PR?  But I was still cautious after bonking the last one.

But all my hard work paid off.

I felt better in the last 6 miles than I did the first 7. I was picking up my pace.  My legs felt stronger and stronger with each stride.  I had a negative split!

I could tell I had put in the conditioning as the race just seemed to fly by and I PR’d.  I was feeling mighty proud of my accomplishment and all the hard work I had put in…..

Then comes Wednesday and can you believe it, it’s been 4 years of marriage!  I can’t tell sometimes if it feels longer or shorter than it really is but it’s crazy to see how far we’ve come in that time.  Had a baby, moved across the country, pursuing our dreams…. But that communication thing, um ya, still a work in progress….

Yes, we still struggle with communication. *Gasp!*  No our marriage is not perfect, shocking I know.

So our anniversary was not ideal.  The Lord still uses us to bring out those areas in the other that are not like Him.  We are still a work in progress. 

It is never fun to be in discord, especially in your marriage.  But I truly believe it’s in those times that you can either move closer together or further apart.  It’s a choice.  And it’s not always easy.

But every time you choose to take just one more step forward, you are claiming a victory.  You are not allowing discomfort, complacency or selfishness to have a foothold.

So we had our moment, took some time and then addressed it the next day.  We regrouped and moved forward. 

Then came Saturday! We packed up the car before dawn and headed out to Breckenridge. 

Mr. M had planned a little getaway for our anniversary and in McCord fashion we were going to celebrate by hiking Quandary Peak, our first 14er!  (A mountain of more than 14,000 ft. elevation at the summit).

I was so excited! This was an adventure, and we were doing it together.

We filled up our camelbacks, threw some snacks and GU’s inside, grabbed our cameras and headed off! 

The first 1/3 was all through the trees and was mainly a dirt trail. As we climbed over the tree line it started to turn into bigger rocks and at one point I could only describe it as when Gollum is leading Frodo up those narrow stairs to Mordor in The Lord of the Rings.   Only the view was much better. 

Hiking through these rocks was intense. There was a long stretch that was a really slow grade which was a nice reprieve because trying to navigate through was taking all our focus and energy.

Just before the final ascent that looked like it went straight up for at least a mile we stopped and took a picture. All grinning and cheesy. Completely clueless to what we were about to go in to.  It was probably better that way….

That final climb to the summit took everything we had. It climbed so quickly the altitude really started to affect us.  We hadn’t eaten a ton before we started, having no idea what we were really getting into.  Mr. M was feeling nauseas and I was getting dizzy.  We were tired, our legs hurt.  We took short breaks and just kept moving slowly.

At one point Mr. M just wasn’t sure he could do it but we were so close.  I encouraged him and he dug deep and just put one foot in front of the other until, VOILA! We did it!! 

We were standing on the summit of Quandary Peak.  We were at 14,265 ft. elevation surrounded by mountains in every direction and looking over them all.  It was a euphoric moment.  What a victory. 

Like I said, it was an adventurous week and I learned a lot. 

You want to run a great race? Keep moving forward.

You want an awesome marriage? Keep moving forward.

You want to climb that mountain? Keep moving forward.

This week I felt like that’s what the Lord kept showing me.  There’s no easy route. They’re no shortcut. 

It takes Effort.

Time.

Sacrifice.

Discipline.

Climbing a mountain isn’t easy.  There was no chairlift to the top. No escalator down.  You have to put in the work and just keep moving forward.  You want that view from the top, move your butt.

Running a race isn’t easy.  You have to put in the work. No one can do it for you.  But the feeling of pride when you slaughter your PR because you worked for it, it’s more than worth it.

Marriage isn’t always easy.  You have to make an effort to stay engaged.  You can’t phone it in.  Life will happen and get in the way if you don’t make it a priority. You want a great marriage, invest in your spouse.  Put in the time.  Put in the effort.

No matter what the arena is, you eat an elephant one bite at a time. 

You climb a mountain one step at a time. 

Oh the places you'll go if you just Keep. Moving. Forward.

 

The Perfect Storm

So, it happened, I finally had my worst race ever.  Worst time ever.  Worst run ever.  I’d always heard or read about people bombing a race and totally crashing, hitting that wall, but had never experienced it for myself.  I guess it was about time, and the conditions were perfect….

I ran my second half on the 4^th of July, my third overall.  It was a month and a half after the last one I did in Denver so I figured it was enough time to recover but easily jump back into training.  I had been dealing with some tendonitis in my foot coming off the last race so it was a full 2 weeks before I could start training but I figured a full month would be plenty.  Sure, probably had I been training a little more consistently. 

Life happens as it always does and I didn’t always get in all my weekly runs, but I’d just finished my last half in great time, I’ll be fine I thought. 

I also hadn’t taken into consideration that it was now going into June and now I’m training in the summer.  In Colorado.  At elevation.  Holy hotness! Training in the summer is already hard but the sun out here is no joke.  I was struggling with the heat but figured it was just a minor detail, I got this.

It was also coming on ‘that time’ and I was feeling uber drained. But I figured it’s a part of life you’ll just have to push through, everyone does it.

Then the week of the race, my lovely daughter who is learning to share decides to practice on me.  And shares her chest cold. Thanks.  It was a full-on head congestion, can’t breathe because someone is sitting on my chest, wake up in the middle of the night to a coughing fit type cold.  Lovely, who needs to breathe to run right?? 

And then, to top it off, my girlfriend asks if I want to go hiking at Palmer Park while our husbands mountain bike—absolutely I do! I love hiking! Strapped on the peanut and grabbed my dog for a nice hour and a half hike.  Why is this a bad idea you ask?? Because it’s the NIGHT before the race!! Of course I had thought nothing of it until oh, we’re a good 45 minutes into the walk, realize we may be lost and still have to get back to the cars.  Yaaaa… enough said.

Though I think the biggest factor was that I didn’t feel confident, it was a little hard to with all those factors playing into it. But still, mentally I wasn’t bringing my A game, and that can be a game changer.  And it was.

Oh, it was also an out and back race, so you run to the halfway point and then turn around and run back.  I didn’t really care for that, no change of venue and felt even more aware of how far I had to go. 

But the first 6.5 miles I was cruising! I felt really good, nice and steady; my time was even looking good.  Then we turned around.  And in NOT a good way, it all went downhill from there.  My legs were shot, that hike the night before was taking its toll.  It was like trying to run with concrete beams as legs. 

The chest congestion was wearing on my breathing which was already labored because it was getting warmer and warmer. 

I felt like I could not drink enough water and my GU’s weren’t giving me that little extra boost they usually did.

Every minute it felt like it just got hotter and hotter and with each step I was moving slower and slower.

I was drained.  I felt sapped of all my energy and mentally I was battling to keep moving. 

I have never wanted to quit so bad in my whole life.  It sucked! I kept having to walk (gulp, as I swallow my pride…) because I had nothing left.  I kept passing and being passed by the same handful of people who seemed to be struggling as well.  This wasn’t exactly encouraging but I was just thankful to not be alone. 

And let me be clear, I am in no way judging anyone that does walk or has had to, you do whatever you have to do to finish. This was just my own personal struggle.

This was the greatest mental and physical battle I’ve had running, and it was exhausting!  My pride was definitely bruised each time I had to walk.  But it wasn’t until the old guy, with the POW MIA flag on a large pole sticking out of his backpack, which I had passed on my way back, passed ME, that my pride really took a blow.  Seriously!? But I had nothing left, no second or third wind, no strength in my legs, barely had the willpower to keep moving.  It was all I had to just put one foot in front of the other and hopefully not pass out.

But I finished. Not that I can really say that with much joy, I mean I wasn’t injured so it wasn’t like not finishing was an option. And my time was just sad. It was an ugly finish.  Felt like that saying, something about being as slow as a turtle running through peanut butter… Ya that was me.

 I hurt all over.  But really my pride was hurt more than anything.  And you remember the old guy with the flag?  My husband later told me he started Last. LAST!! I guess my pride needed a good beating.

But I’ll get back up and do it again. Why? Because I love it.

I love running.

Love racing.

Love pushing myself.

Love the sense of accomplishment.

I love knowing that I can do what I set my mind to. 

That means taking the good with the bad but doing my part to prepare.

There were some circumstances that were my fault and some were out of my control, it really was the perfect storm. 

But I’m using this to motivate me to change what I can for future races and life in general, and be ok with what I can’t.  You can’t put in half the work and expect to get 100% of the results. 

We all have a bad race, a bad day. That’s life, it’s going to happen.  You can choose to let it ruin your day, your attitude, or you can pick yourself up and go again!

Aren’t these the times that we learn the most about ourselves?  In those bombed races. When the car takes a dump.  A bad day at work.

It’s when everything falls apart that we see who we really are. 

What we really want. 

And what we have.

Learn the lesson, change what you can, and let go of what’s not in your control. 

My positive spin on all this?  I’ve finally experienced my worst race, woo hoo! So now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, it’s time to move on to the next race….