Mountain O'Marriage

Last week Mr. M and I had our 4^th wedding anniversary, and to celebrate we climbed our first 14er!  Talk about an adventure….

It was trying, difficult, exhilarating, intense, fun and overall an awesome accomplishment.  And being that this was for our anniversary, the parallels between climbing a mountain and marriage were not lost on me.

We started off on the trail bright and early. We were excited and probably overconfident in our capabilities while naïve to the obstacles that laid ahead.  See the correlations already??

It was early morning and everything just looked stunning as the sunlight was beginning to break through the trees and casting shadows on the surrounding mountains. 

As we made it over the tree line the trail went from a slow grade of dirt and grass to more rocks and boulders.  Definitely wasn’t prepared for that.

 

Every so often we’d stop, catch our breath, take in the view and take some more pictures.  I loved to turn around and look back at where we had just been. 

And every time I was amazed at the progress we had made. 

How different it looked from this view. 

And was proud of how far we had come.  Together. 

The further we got on our climb the harder it became.  There was no more dirt or grass trail to follow, it was all rock. 

 

Big rocks.

Slate rocks.

Moving, shifting, unstable rocks. 

And the trail got narrower as we were now following right along the spine.  To stay on the best line you couldn’t easily be two people wide.  But we kept moving along, taking turns leading and setting a comfortable pace.  Whoever was in front throwing back a warning of loose rocks or slippery areas ahead.

 

As we climbed we started to come across more people.  Some were already heading back—which I secretly envied as my lungs were burning and legs were aching.  Others were still heading to the summit and we seemed to settle into a small group of people around the same pace.

It was nice to see friendly faces along the way; we’d encourage each other or make a joke about whose horrible idea this was.  It always lightened the mood when we were struggling to keep going. 

For some this was their first 14er.  Others had done many before.

And then there was a dad with his 3 daughters.  Just cruising along.  He had his 4 year old in a hiking back pack with his 6 and 7 year old tagging along.  This was their 5^th 14er.  *jaw drops* 

Mr. M and I were just floored. I mean come on! We were struggling to keep moving and these kids reminded me of Legolas from Lord of the Rings—light and nimble on their feet and moving along with what seemed to take no effort at all.  Wow.

As we got into the last leg, the steep ascent to the summit, it became a real challenge.  Gaining elevation that quickly was really making the effects of the altitude apparent.  We had to stop more often to catch our breath.  Mr. M had gone through his water already and we were sharing mine.  He started to feel sick and I was getting a little dizzy.  We stopped to rest and he was not feeling well.  I wasn’t sure he could keep going, neither did he.  But we were SO CLOSE. 

I would be very disappointed to get this far and not reach the top but this was our journey, our adventure and if we couldn’t stand at the summit together I didn’t want to go.

But he took a short breather, dug deep and pushed himself to keep going.

The last stretch was narrow and there really was no trail, you just had to find the best line and hope for some sturdy rocks.

We kept pressing forward, knowing victory was within reach.

And then, there we were! Standing on the summit!! It was glorious and euphoric and oh so breathtaking. We saw some friends at the top and congratulated each other, took more pictures and a short rest. 

 

We took it in, a panoramic view of mountains in every direction.  Surreal. What a beautiful moment, what a victory to achieve together…

And then? The descent!  The only way down was the way we came up!  It was faster but still very tricky.

The whole way down I would stop to look back again, and was in complete awe and shock that we just did WHAT??  Knowing now what it took to get to the top, to see it in retrospect made me realize what an accomplishment it was.  Oh and we ran into 2 mountain goats on our way back, very cool. Although one was about 10 ft from me and I think it wanted to hurt me....

We had no idea what we were getting into and to a degree I appreciated my naivety at the time.  That trip back down looked very different…. I felt wiser, more experienced and so I viewed everything now through different eyes.

I spent the journey back down reflecting on everything I had just learned and could see in so many ways how marriage is very much like climbing a mountain. Here’s what I learned….

*Take a look back.  It is so easy to get caught up in the trials of where you are, the disagreement, the monotony and become discouraged. 

But every once in a while you need to stop and just take a look back.

See how far you’ve actually come.  That you’re making progress.

See that you’re moving forward even when it doesn’t feel like it.

Relish in the moment that you are taking and have taken ground even if you feel stuck.

*Things get hard.

There are unexpected situations that throw you a curve ball, the ground is not always flat and it’s not always smooth sailing.  Sometimes it feels like the ground is shifting beneath you. 

In these times you especially need to dig deep. 

Fight to find your footing, fight for your relationship.

Hold on to what you do know.

You love each other. That never changes. Yes even when you don’t like each other very much.

*You don’t know it all.  Period. 

Surround yourself with couples of wisdom, which means experience.  I KNOW I don’t have the answers, these are just my own revelations I’m sharing.

We need a support group. Others to cheer us on as we run this race. 

To hear from those who have gone before and can show us the best path.

 I definitely want to talk to others who have climbed mountains before I climb another one, why would I not do the same in my marriage?

*Don’t compare.  Don’t compare. Don’t compare.
It drove me crazy that those little girls were hiking with such ease! But this was their 5^th climb so how can I compare that to my 1^st?

All you can do is compare where you ARE to where you WERE.  Comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle will only make you frustrated and give you false hope.  Both are destructive in a marriage.

Celebrate your victories in your own marriage, not compared to someone else’s.

*You’re in this together.

It’s marriage. It’s forever.  What benefits you, benefits your spouse.  What hurts you hurts your spouse. 

No one has more to gain or lose in your marriage than you, and your spouse.  Stick together. 

Sometimes you lead and allow the other to rest. Sometimes you follow and your spouse takes the headwind.  You're in this together and two are always better than one.

*Find an adventure together!

Mr. M and I are really in our sweet spot when we are working towards a common goal.  I feel like we can accomplish anything when we are working together. 

Whether it’s paying off debt, climbing a mountain or pitching a tent, we really shine when we are conquering something as a team.

Find something that brings you both alive and go at it. 

Live your life together.  Dream together. 

Set goals and then knock them down.

Be silly. 

Have fun together, you never know what mountain goats, I mean, surprises are just around the corner!