I’m standing
in front of the floor to ceiling mirror that lines the walls of the hot yoga
class as I’m waiting to begin.
Giving
myself the once over, as we all try to do discreetly, and it sounds something
like this….
“Holy frizzy
curls, dang humidity gets me every time.
Man do my
arms look good tan!
Feeling a
little bloated today but this shirt covers it well, good choice.
My thighs
are looking strong and firm! Yep, definitely love these leggings, I wonder if
they have them in a different color….
(check side
mirror)
Dang my butt
is getting big and looking goooooood! All those torturous hills are really
paying off! Getting a firm tooshy, nice.”
(high five to self)
My eyes
settle back on my thighs. They are
definitely strong, I run 4-5 times a week. But having been a gymnast my whole
life, my legs have always been pretty solid.
Then I
noticed that *gasp!*, there’s hardly a thigh gap! (please note the sarcasm)
My thighs,
and body overall, have gotten stronger and more muscular this past year as I
have increased my mileage and racing.
I’ve noticed in how my clothes fit and yes, it did bug me at first.
But did I
want thinner thighs or a stronger body?
The old me
would have panicked. The free me loves that my body is healthy and strong
enough to do what I love.
I used to
have the ‘coveted’ thigh gap, though back then I don’t know that it had a
name. Well, it did, it was called an
eating disorder.It was called living off of 500 calories a day. (if you want to call that living)
It was called compulsive exercise.
It was
called hair falling out, feeling like you live in an ice box, can’t think
straight.
It was
called being tormented day and night with thoughts of food and counting
calories.
It was
called losing friends and not being able to keep jobs.
It was
called striving to reach an unrealistic and deadly standard that society called
‘beauty’.
It was called
insomnia and migraines and fatigue.
It was
called hell on earth.
And it was
my life for too many years.
Listen
ladies, it COSTS you something to strive to attain a standard that was never
meant for you.
It costs years
of living in bondage.
It costs your
health.
Costs your
joy.
It costs
your self-respect.
Striving to
attain anything that God did not intend for you will always cost you something
that you were not meant to pay.
You may
attain the thigh gap, ‘perfect body’, boyfriend—but it will never fill
you. It’s an empty hole you continue to
tumble down and lose yourself along the way because no IT or THING can ever
fill you.
And guess
what? Next month the standard will change.
A new fad. New diet. New part of your body that is no longer good
enough.
Here’s a
question: WHO in the blazes decided being able to see between your thighs is
the standard? I have no idea yet you let the ‘all knowing’ dictate what you
should be and look like.
Nuh uh. I
don’t think so. No thank you.
I could go
back and be a 25lb underweight walking hanger for my clothes, utterly
miserable—but with a thigh gap! OR I can be healthy and happy and living life
to the fullest, with or without the thigh gap.
Because come on ladies, what does that thigh gap actually DO for you???
Will it make
you a better runner?
A better
wife or mother?
Will it make
your husband love you more?
Make you the
prettiest?
Or make your
friends like you more?
Dear God I
hope not!
You are so
much more than the size of your thighs or the number on the scale.
There is a
price to the thigh gap, or really, what it represents. And its not worth it.
So come on
ladies, it’s time to fight back. Time to find your voice again and say
enough!
You are
fierce and passionate and powerful and beautiful and have so much more to offer
this world and your families than a plastic perfection that leaves you empty
and exhausted.
Pick up your
swords, it’s time to battle.
