You are not a Tree

September 30, 2011

So lately, or for awhile, it’s been that struggle of not Loving where I’m at but not knowing what to do. My job is a job but not my passion. I’ve thought about school but not sure the Exact direction Plus once I have kids I want to be a stay at home mom so I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. So I go back and forth all the time, what to do what to do. There’s always the option to find another job but then what? So instead I’ve found myself grumbling…. to myself., and sometimes my husband. And this as we all know leads to no good. So I continue to pray, and believing that one day the things I Love will be used to a greater or more financial degree, one can hope.
But what till then?? I read this quote recently: “If you don’t like where you are, change it. You are not a tree.” Pretty smart I must say. So I’ve pondered that quite a bit, though still unsure what the next step would be. Now I’ve also thrown out some stuff in different directions, passions that needed a starting point I’ve finally put to foot. I’m not just sitting by complaining in a pity party. But that can take, wait for it—TIME. Sigh. But I’m planting seeds I guess you can say. Looking at my options. Dreams being stirred. Gifting’s finding a footing in reality perhaps? A recent lyric from the new Switchfoot CD that caught my ear…. “I want to thrive not just survive…” And this is where I’m at I guess. I want more of course but am just not sure the exact Means to get ‘there’ though the Lord has planted some things in my heart recently, small seeds, Fragile seeds that I am vigilantly protecting. And it’s exciting. But there’s still the ho hum of the lack of Love for my 9-5. And then I felt like the Lord was saying that I have two choices where I’m at right now…. Change your location or change your perspective. WOW. Hmmm that’s one to ponder. And it’s true, And I know it. I am Not a tree so I can move, change jobs if I hate it that much. OR I can change my perspective and stay there. But those are the ONLY two options. Staying and complaining was not one of them, I’m assuming for a reason.
So what to do what to do. I know I’ll stay, at least for now, He’d already been changing my heart, giving me grace. Even just by Him awakening dreams I didn’t realize it has made my job less Less desirable. Gives me a vision, something to work towards, and gives this job purpose: it helps us save Towards those dreams…. Having kids soon (I hope!), me being able to be a stay at home mom and Hopefully work towards those dreams He’s given me. Without vision for your life it is easy to feel stuck and lose your joy. And even though I’m still not actually doing anything IN my specific dream, that brings profit anyway, I have a vision, a dream to pursue and watch unfold as the Lord takes me on this journey of revealing my place in the desires He’s given me. Very exciting! I think it’s also quite true, you will thrive where your heart is, where your gifting is, when you’re in your sweet spot that God has called you to be, There is nothing better.
And I know He’s everyday continuing to shape and refine me through the trials at my job. And let’s face it, who Loves that? I don’t, but it’s good. It’s a constant reminder to self to watch my attitude, not get down and keep my eyes on the vision He gave me. It’s not always easy, some days are just plain stinky, like yesterday for one. But my vision goes beyond the day to day and my job while there is to be Jesus. I fail every stinking day. But I get up again and try again. And as I’ve said, some days are easier then others, but you don’t quit trying, there is a dream to pursue! A dream that has to become a vision, a vision that Someone has to make a reality! A destiny to be fulfilled! Might as well start today!