Mommyhood

I wrote this a few months ago and just came across it, thought it was fittng and a nice reminder this Mother's Day...

You can do all you know, read & are advised in preparation for being a mom, but there’s just no way to grasp what is about to happen in your life until you experience that life changing moment.  People can talk about being tired from the first months of sleepless nights, but until you Are that walking zombie, you just don’t know.  You can hear about morning sickness & your body no longer becoming your own over the 9 months, but until you spend months in the bathroom & that baby bump gets in the way of your daily routine, you just can’t understand.  And people can tell you about that moment your child is born, but until you Hear their first cry with your own ears & see that little person wriggling about with life, you will never truly understand how Much your life is about to change. Or how much you could love someone you just met.

Peanut is 8 months old and is an ever-rambunctious, curious, adventurous, chatty little girl with a joyful personality and a busy little body.  My life changed the moment I heard her cry and has been changing ever since.  But not in the “I can never go back to my old, fun ways” but rather I got a promotion into Mommyhood.  That almost secret society of women that you just Can’t seem to understand until you’re there.  Because again, talking or hearing about it just can’t express what it means. 

Sadly I felt like I heard a lot more, almost complaining, if you will from other moms about that transition.  The lack of sleep, which was Rough to say the least. But in that I had to learn Patience, seriously relying on the Lord to help me keep sane when I just couldn’t get her to stop crying & go to sleep!  Because really, it was my own selfishness that I was tired & crabby and She was keeping me from my beloved sleep.  But do I let her dictate my mood or response? Gosh, I hope not.  Hearing how they can become ‘such brats’ and ‘won’t listen’ and it all made me sad because while yes, she has her moments, she is the child and it is my job to direct her & teach her.  To respond in love & discipline and train her up in the way she should go.  Is it trying some days? Heck ya!  I spend some days All day just telling her no, slapping her hand or toosh & then watching her go back to the same thing Again and doing it all over. 

I feel I have found more joy in learning to be a mom than in most anything else I’ve ever tried or attempted to do in my life.  Has it required sacrifice? Every day.  I have my moments when I Just want to go for a run, but I can’t because it’s too cold to take her with. Or I have to wait til it’s cold & dark when Mr. M gets home.  I can’t join those runs clubs because they run before he gets home to watch her.  Will this season pass? Of course.  Do I still have a mini fit in my head?  Of course.  But I wouldn’t trade it.  Seeing her face light up when I walk in the room in the morning.  Hearing her squeal and ‘talk’ all chatty while playing with her toys.  Getting to watch her learn new things.  Her weird fetish with chewing on shoes and the way she plays with her ears when she eats or is laid down for bed.  These moments will pass too soon & I when I look back I won’t remember the runs I didn’t get to do, but I will remember these moments & I don’t want to have missed them because I was too busy wishing to be somewhere or doing something else.